sylvannah

info

2006-11-01T21:38:54Z

Well, I was just told that I am a computer whore. Although, I had no friends or nothing so this was the only place I could vent. Steve Beaver is mad at me because after I have thrown him out he is reading my journal and is getting mad because I have wanted out and have totally expressed it. There is nothing that has happened that I didn't say was going to happen before it happened. I haven't been with anyone yet but I guarantee that by this weekend I will. I will make sure that I take pics and tell everyone all about it. Gotta uphold my new status as a computer whore. But, I am not Steve Beaver's whore! Maybe he should quit being such the hipocrit. Instead of always playing the victim, he should maybe learn something. I was with him for 10 years. So if things were just peachy, why would I do this? I will be whatever he wants to call me because that makes him feel better. All I know is that I am finally FREE! I don't have to be miserable all the freakin time. (and it's not like I haven't stated that before) So put that in your pipe and smoke it. You can take all of your faults and "issues" to someone else. He can sit there and say whatever he wants but all the people that know him really know. Even his mother isn't there for him anymore. But I am sure that is all my fault too somehow. I am the root of all evil. I am a computer whore or I think it is cunt (can't understand normal thinking) but only Steve Beaver decides what "normal" thinking is. Either way, not my problem. He needs to move on I will be a computer whore or I guess just a whore because I am sure before long, I will be screwing everybody. But, I can do that if I want to. I am 35 years old. I am over all that immature crap of being called names after a break up.Time to move on.

I am still here

2006-05-04T04:17:34Z

Here I am! Haven't been around for a while. I am having major issues with mt teenage son. (shocker) lol He is worse han I was but now I definately have an indication of what a pain in the ass I was when I was a teen! I just had my last dog neutered. He is the worst one. UGH! he licked his wound to where it almost came completely undone so I took him to the animal emergency room and had him "re-glued" and now he has to wear one of those satellite dishes (lol) that's what they look like to me. he has figured out how to ter it off so it looks like another trip to the vet. None of the other dogs gave such a difficult time before. At least it is the last. I have a 13 YO cocketeil right, so I got these 2 parakeets to keep him company (bird company right) and he hates them. So now I am selling 2 parakeets lol I am still tryng to get the ex to leave but since I have been having difficulties with teenager, he is still here for security (sad isn't it) I am soooo stressed right now!!!! I think I'll have another drink and go to bed. goodnight

sylvannah @ 2006-02-24T22:16:00

2006-02-25T05:08:55Z

Well, here I am on friday night. I have alot going on right now. Tomorrow, I take Demon to get fixed and then later on, I have to go to Tampa for a friends funeral. She was murdered a few days ago by a guy she was trying to leave. She was only 37! She had 3 kids and I am not sure what will happen to them. My neighbor, (that #@*#&) called animal control on me and they were going to take my dogs but I made it to where I just have a $155 ticket I have to pay. She has been pulling out the rocks under my fence leaving holes in it so the dogs would dig out. They did on tuesday. They weren't even there for more than 2 minutes before I went to the other side of the house. They easily get out of their yard and I have to chase them through the neighborhood. She called them and said that my dogs got in her yard, chased her cat under her house and ruined the siding. Her and her son were fearing for their lives. What a f_cking crock. I told the animal control guy about what was going on and he told me that I did admit that they were loose on tuesday but since they all have their rabies shots and what not that I could just pay a fine and that if her cat gets in my yard (which it does) that the dogs could kill it and there is nothing that they could do about it since it happened on my property. Well, I don't want them to kill it. But the crap that she is pulling is really ticking me off.It's not the cats fault that it's owners are ignorant TPT. I have enough to worry about though with out having to deal with that. While I am gone, my ex is supposed to run the wiring under my house and run the wire around my fence so all I need to do is hook up the electricity. Anyway, I just had Shadow fixed on tuesday and the pregnancy terminate. I think she is actually happier now. She is just amazing. I had to pay quite a bit to get her fixed but seeing her now makes it all worth it. I am going to be so busy tomorrow and on such a roller coaster. I am probably going to stay the night at my friends house and more than likely, hang out with my friends brother. I am really worried about him. Well, I guess I will just see what happens. That's all I can do. My neighbor can sit there and play all of her stupid, immature games. It just shows her mentality and so far all she has done, is discredit herself to the police and animal control. Even our kids bus driver. She has called the bus office (or whatever it is called) and said that the bus has to wait for my daughter all the time. Well, the bus driver herself will say that is not true. She even called the police one time because we had a new camera phone and we were outside checking out the zoom on it and she told them we were taking pictures of her kids. Anyway, gotta go enough for now

starting new

2006-02-11T05:42:10Z

A nice girl gave me a link to another husky community so I think I will try that one. If anybody does read my journal, take what you read with a grain of salt. Most of what I have written here is me venting. ALOT!!! I have been accused of neglecting my dogs, being irresponsible, and contributing to the over population of dogs, So basically I was called a dog killer. I think that is pretty rash. It is not like I have a puppy farm or anything like that, Geesh! I made a comment on my journal ( out of complete frustration I might add) and these 2 members specifically took it way out of context. I just thank God I don't know them personally. So please don't pass any judgements about me unless you know me. I didn't expect anyone to read my journal and then attack me or maybe I would have been a little more serious in it. Hell, once or twice I was even drunk when I wrote in it. Couldn't even begin to tell you what I wrote. The point is, my journal is completely different than my posts on the dog communities. All my journal is for, is for me to vent and get out frustration and aggrivation. THAT'S ALL!!! It is not how I really am. If you can't except that, then leave now.

for Moonfire dragon

2006-02-09T05:15:01Z

This is my "wooly" husky you can somewhat see what I mean that it looks like someone took a rake to her fur This is Rogue. She is almost 2 years old. She is all I have left of Morganna.I had to put her down a year ago because she was having seizures and I couldn't control them. I spent $3000 trying to save her. This is her from when she was a puppy to now. The bottom pic was taken about 3 weeks ago. She definately understands the word "treat" too lol you mention that word and she is the first one at the door and jumping all over you She is a really cool dog

Calmer

2006-02-09T02:42:33Z

As is known, I had some very rude comments from some people and I got very upset from these and then today, I sat back and thought, "why am I getting so upset over this?" I have nothing to be upset over. All of these comments are from people that don't know me and do not know what they are talking about. If they had something to back up what they said or there comments were true than that's a whole other story but, I have nothing to hide and no reason to be on the defense. Can't please everyone and why should I try. They are going to fix my fridge tomorrow (yeah!) the part came in. They will not fix my heater though. It turns out that when the people came and hooked everything up that they hooked up a hose and ran it into the ground which caused it to back up and short out the heating coils which now, will either cost me $400 or I will have to try to get the people who did it to come fix it. Thank God winter is almost over and it hasn't gotten that cold. I guess I have talked about my dogs more than I thought lol owell lots of confusion. Like Shadow, besides the fact that she got pregnant, I have gotten her pretty much contained. By the end of the month I am going to have the hotwire fixed. I think that instead of spending all my money on a privacy fence, I am going to do alot of the smaller things that need to be done. Like the hotwire/electric, I need 2 truck loads of fill dirt, I need to change the carpet in the bedrooms, blinds, screens, etc, etc... and lots of pain meds so I can do everything lol Anyway, kids are being defiant (imagine that) so I am going to go and get them taken care of.

sylvannah @ 2006-02-07T21:15:00

2006-02-08T02:49:39Z

Well, if you can't vent when you are really stressed and not have to worry about someone reading your journal and getting all upset because of their "interpretation" and then lashing out at you because you were blowing off steam (or whatever) The most dangerous people there are are the ones that take just a little bit of information and then think they know it all. That's when people start talking out their ass because their mouth knows better. I am a single mother with a really bad back and on constant pain medication due to constant pain, taking care of 3 kids (1 with ADHD/ODD, 1 with bi-polar, and 1 that has been diagnosed with ADHD but there is something else there) having to deal with a 37 year old that is passive aggressive and won't leave and doesn't help out at all, and all of my animals. I am the only person in this house that even brings in any money. BUT, ALL of my kids AND my animals are all taken care of. I just bitch and complain every now and then. I don't know which is worse, the person that read just a little bit, made their own conclusion and got all pissy, or the people that read the angry dribble and jumped on the bandwagon knowing even less than the first person. Either way, I am sure everyone is better than me and I am just a horrible person and I put it all on here for everyone to see. If you have any doubts, you can ask the people that have come out here, my neighbors, and even animal control and HRS. They can all tell you. I have to say, I am really offended by what was said. I guess I expected a little more maturity but that again would be my fault. I really don't know what to say. I just think that people in general should know the whole story before they start spewing their garbage at you. At least it would be justified. Anyway, it is people like that , that make their impression of you without even knowing you, that makes me happy that I am not like that and don't know people like that.I have learned a long time ago to never judge a book by its cover. Anyway, that's all for now.

My interpretation of Steve

2006-02-07T02:33:43Z

aaarrrggghhh!!!!

2006-02-07T01:40:58Z

I just typed for the past half hour and then ie closed on me. Well I am not going through all that again. To kinda go through it in not so many words, my fridge broke, my heater broke, my dog is knocked up (again!) and my ex is still here. He just won't go away. If he is still here by saturday, I will just have to get the law involved. (I have just really been trying not to do that but he has left me no choice) Maybe I should just become this major bitch, the root of all evil like he tells everyone that I am. His story is sooo much different than mine, but people that know both of us, know the truth. I really don't care what he says anymore as long as he is gone. I am having major difficulties with my teenage son. I am going to have to have him admitted to some type of program where he live elsewhere. I hate to do it and I love him so much but I cannot control him. He has become very disrespectful, defiant, he is skipping school, he does whatever he wants regardless of what I say so he doesn't take his meds when he is supposed to. He is 15 and I see him on this downward spiral and I don't want to see him hit the bottom. He tells me how he is part of "the crew" The sounds of a Zephyrhills gang just really doesn't instill fear but who knows lol I have soo much to do here at home (what I need is someone that is not afraid to get off the couch and help me) I am only one person (with a very bad back I might add) but I am sure trying. I gotta tell you, having an ADHD/ODD teenager, a bi-polar 9 yr old, a ADHD (and who knows what else) 6 yr old, a passive/aggressive 37 yo, 8 dogs, 6 cats, 3 fish, and 1 bird, AND having herniated discs, bulging discs, pinched nerves, and mild scoliosis and being the ONLY one that does ANYTHING I am pretty damn stressed and I think I am doing pretty good by not killing everyone yet (lol) Anyway, I need to go for now. It is 8:30p on a school night. Time to get the kids their baths and into bed. Perhaps if I am not too tired later I will write some more. One of my New Year resolutions is to make a little more time for myself. I am planning to (try) to read a new book each month. And that will be an amazing accomplishment for me with my life. Anyway TTFN

Still here

2006-01-17T00:32:55Z

It is now monday. Didn't get accomplished what my big plan was for this weekend. I have trailer park trash for neighbors and I hate it. But at least I am not the only neighbor that feels that way. When I get my tax return I am going to put up a privacy fence and on their side I will put 3 letters. TPT. Just to piss them off because they have done that to me. (without the letters) It will cost me $1000 alone just for the fence (I hope I have a big return this year) I haven't heard from either person in the last couple of days that took the puppies. I would really like to know how they are doing. My ex is still here (that is always depressing) 2 weeks that's what I keep telling myself. I told him today that I would help him look for somewhere else to go. Anything I can do. lol I am having a battle with my son over taking a shower so now he is telling me that this will be the last one he takes for the rest of this month. aaahh children. Well, on that note I am gonna go for now. I see I have to force the whole bathing issue and it could get ugly. lol TTFN

My kitty cats

2006-01-15T01:58:04Z

These ar 4 of my six remaining kitties. On top you have Meat head (I am giving him away though) then in the middle is Spaz (caught red handed lol) and on the bottom is Little Guy (Saseep as my son named him)and Other Guy. My other 2 are Princess and Hisser. Both adequately named. The one dog that I have that I rescued, killed my other 3. They are greatly missed. I will show more tomorrow. (and yes there is more) I have a zoo here. (and that's not even counting the kids.)

Alone at last there is a God!!!

2006-01-15T01:56:04Z

I don't know how I did it, but I am home alone (for the most part) tonight til 1-2a. Hooray!! My oldest son is here but he went to bed already so I might as well be here alone. Kids are gone, dogs are sleeping, it is actually quiet here. All I hear are the bubbles in the fish tank. I sold my puppy today. Harley. I miss her already but I am confident she got a good home. I really liked the people she went with. I wish they lived closer so we could be friends. I could see a connection anyway. I gave them a 3 week money back guarantee just in case things didn't work out the way they would like. But I think it will. So, I am happy about that. I feel satisfied that the puppies that went in the last week are in very good homes and they will get better care there than they probably would here. It is alot easier to care for 1 or 2 instead of 15 animals (geesh, that is alot I never counted and thought of it before) I guess smoking was not the thing I needed to quit. lol This June will make 4 years that I stopped smoking. I promised my mother on her death bed that I would. She was always persistent about it and I told myself that I will keep that promise no mater what. (haven't been that good at keeping promises to her) And I quit cold turkey too. I smoked for 20 years (yes 20) and I just stopped on June 1, 2002. That's pretty damn good if I say so myself. well, I am going to get the last puppy inside and the mother and I am going to take advantage of being here alone.

Father and son (I love huskies can you tell?)

2006-01-14T04:06:41Z

This is Merlin. He is the father to the puppies and the sweetest guy you will ever meet. (except he pees on your stuff lol) And on the bottom is Bruce. He is from the first litter of Shadow and Merlin so I guess that makes him the brother of the puppies. I have so many pics of my babies (and so many babies) that I will stop for tonight but really enjoy showing them off. I have showed all my huskies now, I just have the other breeds and animals to show. lol I hope you enjoy. I wouldn't trade them for the world (now that changes from time to time lol) Goodnight

Shadow & Rogue Shadow needs a new home.

2006-01-14T03:44:55Z

This is a pic of Shadow and Rogue. Shadow is the husky I am getting rid of. I am selling her for $50 just so I know that whoever gets her, wants her. She is a purebred husky but no papers. She is a great dog but she kills other animals so she needs to go somewhere that there are no other animals besides her. She can be around other dogs. If the neighbors do have cats, goats, etc. she has to be well contained. She is great with children. I love her to death but she has killed too many animals around here and they want her put down. I am trying not to let that happen. (even though she has killed my 3 oldest cats 12,11,and 9) at the time, it took everything I had not to kill her myself. I am her 3rd owner so I am not sure what all happened to her before me but I know that I can't contain her right now and she is starting to teach my other dogs to do it too and that is not acceptable. I tried to change her bad habits but just couldn't do it but she deserves a good home. If you, or someone you know is interested, please let me know. (she is also the mother of the puppies in my previous entry)

these are my puppies

2006-01-14T03:30:33Z

This is Demon (on top) and Harley (on the bottom) Harley will more than likely be the one that that goes to a new home tomorrow. I will miss her so much but I know it is the best thing for her. Now I have at least figured out how to get the pics on here. Now I just have to figure out how to mange them. Working on it.

Damn Dogs!!!!

2006-01-14T03:17:38Z

I went to my neighbors for a little bit. I wasn't expecting to leave but when I came back, my beautiful doggies (grimace) ate the leather off of mt flip flops and ate the wristband off of my watch! I could just strangle them. And when I show them what they were chewing on, their ears go back and they slink down because they know they are in trouble. They know they are not supposed to do that but it is like they can't help themselves. But other than that, I started cleaning my room. Too bad you can't really tell and I have been doing it for hours. Lots of filing and shredding. Tons of papers but I am pretty much done with that so now comes all the physical labor. That's tomorrows project. I will go for now. My daughter is bugging me to get on the computer. TTFN

Don't know what to put here today

2006-01-13T02:05:31Z

It is now thursday. I have the next four days off so I think I will clean my room. lol The lady that is supposed to come over saturday to pick up the puppy has been very indecisive lately. But at least I know that they will take care of the puppy very well. That's what is important to me. They are leaning more towards Harley though. Which is cool but would be more beneficial for this house if they took Demon. Demon makes the 3rd male dog in this house. I guess then my main priority will be to get him fixed very soon. I would post some pics here but I just can't figure out how ;0( I am so stupid when it comes to crap like that. Well I gotta go. Have pressing issues to take care of right now but may write more later tonight. TTFN

Quick update

2006-01-12T02:41:43Z

It is wednesday night. Not too much today. My 2 younger kids went to church with my neighbor so I introduced my oldest son to The Breakfast Club. (already introduced him to Young Guns) Didn't really accomplish anything today. My ex sounds like he is accepting the fact he has to move out. That's good. My friend that I gave the puppy to is so happy with her and puts new pics up almost everyday, it has inspired me to want to put pics up of all my furry kids but I don't have a paid membership yet so I can't. :0( Another woman will be getting one more of the puppies this saturday. Which is good but yet I am so depressed over it. I think that they are definitely one of my weaknesses. That's why I have so many of them. I tend to keep one from every litter. Giving up the dogs is harder than quitting smoking. lol Well, I tend on getting rid of the mother. She is a fantastic dog if she just didn't kill other animals. What can you do. I was thinking about registering my male husky and studding him out. The mother husky has her papers too but I kind of took her on not so nice terms so of course the owner didn't give them to me. As of right now, I have 6 1/2 huskies. I say 6 1/2 because I have a dog that is husky/beagle. She is quite unique. She is my purebred mutt. lol The father is a purebred husky and the mother is a purebred beagle. Anyway, gotta take the dogs out and get the kids in bed. I will add more tomorrow and hopefully by the end of this month, I will be able to share all my babies. TTFN

School starts back tomorrow ;0)

2006-01-10T00:21:33Z

It is monday night and time to get back in the school schedule. It won't be easy but must be done. I am having to make the very depressing decision to get rid of both puppies I have left. I really wanted to keep at least one of them but in the current situation that I have been stuck in, I have to give up still more. I need him to hurry and go so I can get someone here that will help me instead of blame me for all of their problems that obviously self inflicted. Can you believe that today he said "well now I am finally able to get myself where I need to be" Nine years later. After living off of me and my kids and making ma have to file for bankruptcy just last year. And he wasn't able to do it before he said. Well why the hell not! 2 1/2 years ago I had $50,000. Now I am broke and had to file the bankruptcy and he blames ME for his problems. It just PISSES me off. And, my mother even died with him owing her over $1500. He is a piece of crap and I just want him to go. I don't want to hear any more of the poor me sob story from him. The "I am a victim" crap from him I just want him to go. You ever know someone that just their presence makes you mad. He has ruined my life but hopefully I can recover some of it back for the kids. He has been living off of my sons child support instead of paying his own. He owes over $40,000 in child support but that is my fault too. Well, on my day off, I plan on going to the court house and filing the eviction and then getting a storage unit. It is going to come to an end one way or the other. Hell, he has a warrant for nonpayment of child support, maybe I will just call and have them come get him and I will have them serve him in jail. He ain't coming back. I am just done. He has treated me like total crap from the beginning. He has changed over the years but he is still a heavy weight on me. Well anyway, believe it or not, I am not in a bad mood. There is a new doc and she won't give me a script for my pain meds until she sees me and the soonest she can is Jan. 23. I am just going to call every morning and see if anyone has canceled because I will need more of my pain meds way before that so wish me luck on that. Well I will go for now. It is bath time and my oldest just called and said his knee went out and needs a ride home (yeah, right, sure it did) so I better take care of all the domestic type things that I do and when I am done, if I am not too tired, I will write more.

The Day is Over

2006-01-09T01:34:35Z

Well, here it is sunday evening. I work tomorrow. All of 4 hours (not really a point in going in) They only have me scheduled for 13 1/2 hours this week. If they don't fix that, then I am out of there. The only reason I have stayed is because of how they have always worked with my schedule. I can only work 24 hours a week anyway but anything less than 20 is not really worth it. The kids go bac to school on tuesday. (yeah!!) Then everything should get back to normal. Steve told me today that he can't move out til he gets his van working and I told him he had 3 1/2 weeks to do it or he'll have to have it towed to wherever to fix it there. Then of course he tells me that he has been giving me all his money. He has only given me $50 in the past month and I still have to pay for his a_s to live so no sympathy there. I am going to have to go to the court house tomorrow and start the eviction process and I also have to get a storage unit to put all my stuff in so he can't take it.More money I have to come up with and less money I have due to the hour thing at work. Such is my life but I am striving to end that miserable existence. I want oneday to go Steve who? Tonight I took the kids to see Chronicles of Narnia. They all liked it. Liam Neeson does the voice for Aslan so that is cool. Everybody always tells me how that movie has such a religous message. I don't really see it. Then again I don't look for messages like that. I have always liked that story. From reading the book when I was younger to seeing the movie now. Now the exciting thing that happened today, was the same 2 dogs that got out last night got out again today. It wasn't as easy to find them and when I did, it was on the other side of a busy street. I was angry at them but also really happy to find them alive. They got pretty far this time. I have been waiting for 4 months for Steve to get this hotwire hooked up. I waited 2 months just to get the weeds pulled away from the fence to run it. After 2 months, he only got about 15 feet. Then the dogs killed the neighbors cat. So I got it done the next day and a half and 4 painpills. I have a really bad back and I got it done in 2 days where he is a capable 37 yo that is just too lazy and pathetic to do it. I really need someone here that will help me. I have 2 ADHD and 1 bi-polar child already, I don't need that crap. Anyway, all in all, today was a good day. Hope tomorrow is a good day too. Have to camp out at the pain docs office to get a script to last me til I see him and the soonest they can squeeze me in is Jan. 23 I don't have enough meds to last me that long. Well we will just wait and see how tomorrow turns out.

A Little Dissapointed

2006-01-08T15:31:10Z

It is sunday morning. Last night was a little eventful. 2 of my dogs got out of my fence and I found them about 2 blocks away, my teenage son came home an hour late. He is still only 15. He is my rebel without a clue. He sits there and tell s me he stayed a little late on purpose because he knew that I would make it to where he didn't go back. lol whatever Oh to be 15 and stupid again. Anyway, my new friend last night lied to me. It was nothing big but I was hoping we would be close and I see that we aren't but I still want to be his friend. He just tried to pass something off to me (I guess to try and impress me or something) that wasn't his own. If you are going to do that, make sure that it doesn't have someone else name on it and their web address. So I am a little disheartened. Now trust had been lost but I forgive him. I believe he has talent. And I don't need to be impressed. I don't care if you are a gas station attendant in a very low income town. It is who you are inside that really matters. He has had a big loss lately and probably wants to feel "important" in some way. But I am still here for him. (if he still wants me) He has already helped me (probably more than he knows) and I want to be there for him. I know he will read this and I hope he won't get mad and not talk to me anymore. I have been constantly lied to for 9 years and plainly I let you know if I know. I am not mad or anything, hell it never has to be mentioned again. He probably can do as well as what he showed me, just what was shown to me wasn't his but that is ok. Please forgive me and I hope to hear from him later. TTFN

Saturday Night SSDD

2006-01-08T03:46:51Z

Well, here I am again. SSDD. Well I spent my day off like I normally do, cleaning the house because it can't be done during the week. And of course, Steve blames it on the kids. I can't wait til it is over. Everyday is a countdown for me and I feel kinda bad about it. Like I am being heartless but I can't help it anymore. I have been dealing with this for 9 years and I just can't do it anymore. Can't even be nice about it anymore. I gave away a puppy today. I know she will be happy there. I can already see that she will be spoiled. I think that she was meant to go with her. The whole thing was "coincidental" know what I mean. But it makes me happy to know that I made a puppy and a person totally happy. I haven't heard from my friend today, I hope everything is ok. I would call but I think that me calling might be annoying. If he wanted to talk to me then he would call, right? I know hat he had to move today. I just hope that it all worked out ok and I would hope that he would call me if he needed help cause I would do what I could. Although, it is that kind of compassion that put me in the situation I am in now. It makes me happy to do things for others but then I guess you always take that risk of helping a person that will take advantage of you then leech off of you for years. But shit happens and there is nothing you can do about it but change your situation. I am making him leave but I am still compassionate by nature. Just not to him. Anyway, too many distractions right now so will write later. TTFN

Friday Night

2006-01-07T03:40:41Z

Well here I am on a friday night. Watching Battlestar Galactica. I met my new friend "in person" tonight. I wish it was better. His brother in law was waiting in the car so had that pressing. I felt very awkward so I am sure I was uptight. Owell, what can I do. I hope he wants to hang out sometime in a more neutral setting with nobody in the car waiting. Soon, my friday and saturday nights won't be as boring and/or dull. I have another friend I just met coming by tomorrow to pick up a puppy. I am sure she will be happy. (as will the puppy) lol Well, I am going to finish Battlestar Galactica. Perhaps write more afterwards. TTFN

Another night

2006-01-06T03:37:22Z

Well here I am (again) today was kinda "eventful" I guess. I met this girl who wants to come get a puppy. Apparently I was meant to meet her and give her this puppy, I just happened to find her want ad by happenstance and it just went from there. Sometimes it is cool to be the messenger. So anyway, that happened today. My back is going to go out very soon. I have been in alot of pain having constant muscle spasms in my mid to upper back. I am constantly on my pain meds. Not looking too good. I just hope it doesn't happen at work tomorrow. My ex is now always mumbling and doing to the whole poor me thing. Of course, he mentioned today something about being dead by the time he should support himself (or something like that) I just hope he doesn't do the well I am taking you with me thing. He is just the type to do something stupid and selfish like that. I just want to get away from him. He is 37 yo and has absolutely nothing to show for it and now wants to blame that on me. I have been having to support him for about 7 years now and he even owed my mom $2000 when she died, drained the kids trust fund accounts and his miserable existence is my fault. I don't see the logic in that. I think that next week or so I am going to get a storage unit to put some of my stuff in I know if I don't that he will take what he wants. Of course, when I put everything in it, that alone will start a fight. Can't really win for losing. I have fought very hard and have been through alot for everything that I have and I didn't do it so that he can take it all away from me. It may not be much but it is still mine. After having to live in your car for 2 months and having absolutely nothing, and making it to where you have something, you don't want some pathetic leech coming and taking it from you and especially your kids. OK I will stop bitching now, I just get so worked up and get myself madder and madder the more I talk about and I have enough to go on for hours. I am actually in a decent mood right now. That usually ends about 12a-1a. That's when he gets home. Anyway, back to the other subject. She will take one of the pups on saturday. I am going to give it to her because I haven't been able to take them to get their shots or dewormed or anything. Usually I sell the for $250 each. I will have one more puppy and the mother to get rid of. The mother will be a little harder because she can only go somewhere she will be well contained and the person that gets her can't have small animals or even the neighbors around him. She has a thing for killing other animals. Don't get me wrong, she is a great dog and I love her to death. They want me to put her down because of it but I don't want to do that. I am only going to sell her for $100 because I know that if someone is willing to spend the money on her that they want her and will take care of her. These dogs are purebred Siberian Huskies. Very beautiful dogs. But I have too many dogs. Including the puppies, I have 7 huskies and 3 other dogs for a grand total of 10 dogs. That is just too many. And I have a male orange tabby that is approx. 1 yo that I am giving away too. He was dropped off on the corner of the street. He is not neutered so he is a jerk but once you get orange tabby's fixed (assuming they are not too old) they are the sweetest cats you will ever meet. I just had to file a chapter 7 bankruptcy in Sept. so I am trying to catch up on everything now and it hasn't been real easy. Especially with no help but the burden of a 37 yo. That is why I would normally sell them because I need the money but since I don't have the money, I haven't been able to get their shots and what not and I can't afford to keep them here and they are getting too big. So, get rid of 3 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 parasite and I should be ok. Looks good on paper but can I pull it of. I know that I will have no problems getting rid of these dogs for free because it is not everyday you can get a purebred dog for free, and the cat should be relatively easy as well, it is just the parasite. And he is the one that costs me the most. Well crap, here I am rambling on about him again. When he's gone, I'll have nothing to talk about lol. I am looking forward to starting my new life. I am very optimistic about it. I just hope that things don't get too bad. I am a little worried on how things will end. Some people just can't accept the fact that people just don't want them around and with passive/aggressive, they always think it is everybody else so never fix their own issues. Well, I am going to go for now. I feel like a broken record and I want to write something in here just once without talking about him. Just once. I will try it next time. TTFN

Here Again round II

2006-01-05T02:55:50Z

ok well I got dinner done and of course right before it was done everybody left (argh!) but everybody is back now and all riled up. Yeah! So now I am on the neverending conquest of getting them to bed. Tomorrow is my day off and as usual, I will spend it cleaning and taking care of all those things that other people could do but don't. What a pain. But 27 days left. If I could deal with it for 9 years, then what is 27 more days. It's kind of like when you put your 2 week notice in at a job you don't like and those last few days are the hardest. You spend them convincing yourself that you need to stay it through so that way it will look good on you. (nobody likes a quitter) Anyway, enough about the what's happening in the miserable life of me. I can quit whining for a little bit. I will talk about my son. I have a 15 yo. He was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD several years ago and has been on meds for a while now. He has been getting in trouble lately and has been real cocky towards me lately. He has never met his father and his father committed a murder/suicide in Jan. 2000 His father was a great guy until one day, someone that was supposed to be a friend of mine, told him a lie about me and he just snapped. He was on a downhill spiral ever since and I just hope that now that he is dead, that he has found peace. This happened when I was 3 months pregnant. He started getting abusive, drinking alot, and doing drugs. I left when I was about 5-6 months(?) and my mom helped me get an apartment. I was 18. We ended up back together and since I was naive then, he said let's get married and everything will work out. lol and I actually believed him must have been hormones. So we got married on Aug. 19 and I had my son 58 minutes after my 19th b-day. Spent all day from 10a on my b-day in labor. Things were already starting to get bad again. After my son was born, he tried to deal drugs out of our apartment. I put a stop to that immediately. He was drinking and doing drugs again and hanging out with all his old buddies from his old neighborhood. (they had a band called Corporal Punishment) He started being very abusive to me again. And I stayed and took it. I left when my son was 6 months old and was banging his head against everything hard he could find due to all the fighting. It took that to finally get me to leave. He stalked me for quite some time and did some unmentionable things to me. When this happened, I had my mother keep my son for a couple of days while I went through his stuff. It came to us because our son was his only heir. He had white power stickers all over his tape cases, a photo album dedicated to John Wayne Gacy, and a picture that he drew ( he was very good at drawing) the picture was of me lying in a pool of blood with him standing over me with a smoking gun and victim over his head. If he knew where I was that night, I would have been the murder. I definitely didn't know who he was anymore and was very saddened to see what he became. And what makes me so mad is that when he was told this lie, he never gave me the benefit of the doubt. Now, my son looks so much like him it is scary, and he likes alot of the same things his father did (and they say that kind of stuff isn't hereditary) I am afraid though, that with the way he is going that he will end up just like him and I don't know what to do. It is very upsetting but I do what I can day to day but there are days when he talks down to me and threatens me and I will not take that and sometimes I feel like I have to call the police on him but it is hard because I love him so much. They almost bakeracted him 2 days before Christmas but decided to up his meds. (I don't think that will work but what can I do) Well, all I can do right now is just deal with it from day to day and just hope that it will all work out for the best. OK see, I didn't mention the ex not even once lol. I have so many other issues going on, now I just wrote about 2 of them. So I will go for now. I will continue later. It definately helps to get this stuff off of my chest and I don't have to worry about boring anyone or feel like I am asking for sympathy or anything. That's why I am doing this here. Only if you are really interested would anyone read this. (and just think, this is just the shortened version) lol maybe at some future time I will talk about everything that happened. I just don't want to right now. But now I must go for a while again. Til next time